Being a graduate student in your mid-twenties to mid-thirties can be a mess of fun, work, stress, laughter, tears, despair, uncertainty and confusion – and I don’t mean just about whether or not one actually wants to finish a PhD or should do so. No. I mean having to explain to friends and family that you are no longer “in college,” that “summer vacation” doesn’t really apply to graduate students, and that graduate school is like a job or at least like professional training and development. I mean managing your self-perception and the way others perceive you.
Am I a student? Am I a teacher? I struggle with the baggage associated with both of those words. I’m not “just a student” and I’ll be damned if I want to associate myself with the state of being an undergraduate ever again. It was rough enough the first time and graduate school is a whole new game – it’s not like college only harder. You’re playing a totally different game, with new rules and expectations, but you don’t always get the kind of direction or supervision that would make the transition easier in your first year or two. In my current department, there’s a sense that some of the faculty don’t really take us seriously as scholars or colleagues – in ways I’d rather not go into at the moment, perhaps for identification reasons, but also because I really do think that my department is pretty great in a lot of ways and I’d rather not introduce my department with an exposé of everything I personally think could be better. My department is very supportive and fairly collegial, so I don’t really have much to complain about.
At any rate, graduate school in the humanities is in some sense never done. There’s always something I could be reading or a language I could be learning or a lesson I could be planning and there’s a sense of pressure to work all the time. But limits on and boundaries between personal and professional lives is the topic of a different posting.
The real question here is: How does one establish an appropriate professional image? At Beach University I have students who come to class in pajama pants, flip flops, bathing suits with a tank top thrown on over top, and various levels of exposed tits and ass (boobie shirts and miniskirts, etc). I have colleagues and classmates who teach lectures or sections in shorts and t-shirts (one of whom I fondly refer to as “The Dude”). We have faculty who teach in jeans – but not t-shirts. Lastly, I often walk or bike to school and sit in chairs around campus that are filthy or broken and could dirty, stain or actually damage my clothes.
Clearly, at Beach University in my department, suits and the like are rarely required. I try to aim somewhere between “business casual” and jeans and t-shirts. Sometimes shoes make all the difference and since I walk or bike, I really like to wear sneakers, but they don’t exactly led a professional tone to an outfit! I try to be particularly careful of my “professional” image on days I’m teaching or attending a seminar and I feel less concerned about that on days when I have a language class or when I’m just working in the library. I guess part of the way I delineate between my personal and professional life is by what I’m wearing – which only kind of works, since I’m not likely to get dressed up in order to chase references in the library.
I’ve found that I’m interested in the idea of a dress code for the university – with the idea that it would be good for everyone (undergrads, grads, faculty, admin) if students dressed for school like they mean business, like they take it seriously, like they’re learning useful skills. I don’t want to ban jeans or something, but there are levels of jeans. They can be paired with tops less casual than a “message t-shirt” and actual shoes that aren’t ratty sneakers or flip flops. My mama taught me that the way we dress reflects our respect for the places we’re going, and our respect for and relationships with the people we’ll see in the day. I now get what my mama meant when she told me to “Dress appropriately!”
And I struggle with what that means in the liminal state between student and professional that marks the graduate student years, and I wish my students and colleagues would dress appropriately when they come to class.
Right now I’m struggling with the hair question – which is tied up in all kinds of feminist issues for me. There’s a sense that women aren’t taken seriously if they’re either too beautiful or not beautiful enough, and hair it part of that – think of all the comments about Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama and Sarah Palin that relate their looks to their abilities.
I have long blonde hair. Is it professional to wear it down? I often feel obliged to wear it up when I teach – between the hair and the Rack of Doom I don’t need extra attention on my physical appearance. I wouldn’t dream of wearing it down at Big Professional Conference. Old Men in Tweed can’t seem to take a young, pretty woman seriously. Also, I’m growing out some bangs, so I’m in this in-between phase that will last the better part of a year since my hair is so long AND I’ve been watching What Not to Wear even though the feminist in me can’t STAND it.
As a result, I feel like my long hair isn’t very professional and like it’s making me look a lot younger than I am. I think it’s time to clean up my look – clothes & hair together – to look more professional and age-appropriate. SO, I’m thinking about cutting my hair. Like a lot. A lot. I’ve done it before. I wore my hair a lot shorter when I was in high school and through part of college, so I shouldn’t feel as afraid as I am now. It’ll grow back. I know it will be cute – my hairstylist is AWESOME. For some reason, though, I am terrified of cutting it off. I’ve worn it long for the past 6 or 7 years and I think that’s the longest time I’ve ever worn the same style.
Also, cutting my hair to be taken seriously seems like a cop out. The feminist in me wants to hold on to the hair as a stance against the Old Men in Tweed, against the idea that pretty women can’t be smart & professional, against the idea that there’s something wrong with my hair.
On the other hand, I’ve been wearing it up so often lately that I’ve begun to wonder if I really even like it any more.
Oh, and did I mention that I have a hair appointment in about an hour?!!
Check back soon to see what happened (last time I chickened out and didn’t cut it).
Posted by liviaaugusta 
