Dear Spanx & Spanx-Wearers,
I have recently purchased my first pairs of Spanx, the Slimcognito shaping bodysuit and mid-thigh bodysuit. They seemed like a great idea. I can hook them right up to my bra, and smooth my whole mid-section underneath all of my light-weight or clingy dresses. Yay! The mid-thigh option seems like a good idea for preventing chaffing while out dancing or for days where there might be lots of walking.
After 8 minutes or so of struggling with my bra and the “make your own bodysuit straps, I hooked myself all up, tried on my new dresses, and what do you know? Smooth silhouette! Now, it doesn’t make me look a whole size smaller or anything, but it does make the dress look better by making the “base” smoother. I imagined I was at a wedding reception and squirmed around in “dancing” moves to whatever was on the radio. I imagined my self have drinks at the swanky bars my Sweetie Baby and I (don’t really ever) go to. Then I imagined my drunk ass trying to take a leak use the ladies’ room.
How the hell am I supposed to pee while wearing these things? The shaping bodysuit doesn’t have an easy answer. Am I supposed to wiggle out of my dress, unhook the FOUR (4) hooks it takes to stick it to my bra, tinkle, wiggle back into the Spanx, re-hook everything and pull my dress down? Or am I supposed to just pull the crotch aside and hope I don’t piss on my (very expensive) panties? This seems to be the answer for the mid-thigh bodysuit pee problem is solved by “a cotton gusset (crotch) that opens to make life easier when Mother Nature calls.” It’s a split crotch, so I guess you would pull the crotch open and try not to pee on your hands or your very expensive panties. I haven’t tried it yet, I’m a little wary of it and I’m pretty sure it would be a disaster if I’d had one too many drinks.
So, Spanx, or Spanx-Wearers, How in name of Hades does one pee in these things? And what happens if you have to go Number 2?
Posted by liviaaugusta 
